Carman Lee has moved many to tears after releasing a deeply personal video in which she recounts her struggle with depression and the devastating period following her father’s passing.
On November 7, HK01 reported that the 59-year-old Hong Kong icon uploaded a self-recorded video describing her journey through one of the darkest chapters of her life and sharing the coping methods that helped her survive.
Widely recognized as one of the most beautiful actresses of Hong Kong’s golden era in the 1980s and 1990s, and hailed as the “most unforgettable Xiaolongnü” onscreen, Carman Lee’s personal life has been marked by heartbreak. Her longest and most painful relationship was with businessman Kwok Ying Chuen, whom she dated beginning in 1998. At his request, she withdrew from the entertainment industry, only to return later and accept any role she could find when he faced financial trouble — solely to help him repay his debts.
But her sacrifices were not met with commitment. After a decade together, he told her he had no intention of marrying. They ended their relationship in 2008, leaving Carman emotionally shattered.
In 2009, she spiraled into severe depression. She describes that period as the worst days of her life days when she felt like a lifeless body drifting through time.
“A week without stepping outside was normal. I didn’t brush my teeth, didn’t shower, didn’t comb my hair. I didn’t even feel dirty,” she recalled. She once consumed two entire butter sponge rolls over 900 grams without realizing it. “It wasn’t because it tasted good. I was just mindlessly stuffing it into my mouth until my stomach rebelled. I vomited everything and sat in front of the toilet crying.”
Eating, drinking, sleeping, and breathing she said became nothing more than biological tasks she performed just to stay alive.
Carman admitted she frequently thought about ending her life. She would stare down from the balcony of her 27th-floor home, hold a knife for too long when cutting fruit, or drive aimlessly to cemeteries late at night. She described depression as a terrifying “lover,” saying, “It clung to me like an intimate partner we fought, we ignored each other, then coexisted.”
Her symptoms worsened when her father fell critically ill, and she sank even deeper after he passed away a year later. “I felt overwhelming guilt. I blamed myself for everything. But then I realized that’s not what my father would have wanted,” she said.
She decided to share her story because many followers have written to her about their emotional struggles. She hopes her experience can offer strength to anyone battling mental wounds.
Addressing those who feel isolated, Carman revealed she doesn’t have many friends herself and that’s perfectly fine. She advised viewers not to cling to people who lack patience or empathy and urged anyone with dangerous thoughts to call emergency services immediately.
“When I was at my lowest, I forced myself to think of my mother. If I did something irreversible, she — the person who loves me most — would never recover. That reminder helped pull me back from the edge,” she said.
Carman also discussed her healing process: medication, strict adherence to doctors’ guidance, physical exercise, cooking, and enjoying good food all played crucial roles.
In earlier interviews, she revealed that one of the biggest turning points came from a chance conversation with Chow Yun-fat on an airplane. When she told him she planned to quit acting, he replied, “How can a person live without work?” He encouraged her to pursue her passions fitness and cooking and consider turning them into a career.
“His words woke me up,” she said. She began reconnecting with the world hiking, meeting family for tea, working out slowly climbing out of the emotional pit she had been trapped in.
Carman Lee’s story is a powerful reminder that healing is not instant it happens step by step, and with every step, survival becomes a little more possible.
Sources: TP